Take This Life

Well here it is 2:37 a.m. and I am still up when I should be getting some sleep considering I have a test at 12:30 tomm afternoon. I am not tired for some reason. For the last couple weeks or so I have had a hard time falling asleep, but it has been a great last couple of weeks because I have stayed up late just trying to comprehend how big God is and I am just amazed when I think about it and it gives me so much joy that someone that big is right by my side and will be for eternity. I just can't get that thought to register in my mind as reality, so it consistently keeps me up at night, so I read and read and read just trying to learn more about who God is. The last 5 or 6 months have been amazing because for the first time in my life I have had a desire to read and I love it now and it has been such a blessing because lately I have had a chance to get in the word like never before and I can only hope it doesn't slow down. Before that my whole life I was not a big fan of reading at all so im very thankful I have gotten past that.

I am listening to the song "Take This Life" by Shawn McDonald right now and its lyrics are really speaking to me. "wont you take this life wont you change this life, come and make me whole" something we all desire is to be fulfilled. I along with everyone else have a daily battle trying to be fulfilled. One of the hardest things for me to do on a daily basis is fulfill myself with the lord instead of the things of this world, because the things of this world are right in front of me and look so fulfilling, but they can't do the job like the God I can't see. It is so weird to think you can be fulfilled by something you cant see physically see, but thats what makes the mystery of it all so great and I am learning to try and focus on becoming whole through him and not anything else. Trust me I fail every day, but I'm trying God I am trying. Every day I think about you and want to be closer to you, because you are it, the creator, the king of kings. So I finish this post off by saying give me the desire again tomorrow and the next day and every day from now on to seek you, no matter how many times I fall on my face.

Inspire Me

Shawn McDonald - Take This Life (amazing lyrics)
As I'm standing here, staring into the mirror
See the figure of a man trying to take a stand
And live for something more
Integrity is what I need and honor to my soul I feed
To give it up, pack it in, getting rid of all my sin that's weighing me down
Won't You come and fill
I want You to come and make me more real
Take this life, won't You change this life
Come and make me whole
Won't You take this life, won't You change this life
Come and make me whole
In my pursuit of what is real
My heart is longing with a need to feel my soul come alive
I trudge and I step through the height and the death
Of a long narrow road** as I'm growing old
And soon I will be home

Roller Coaster of Love

Ever had a day when you felt like you were on top of the world and you had all the joy you could possibly imagine, and then in a blink of an eye you lose that feeling and you feel more helpless than ever before? I had that feeling today and have had it many times in the past. Whenever I am full of joy I feel as if there is no way I will be on the other side of it ever again, but for some reason it never works out that way. I guess you could call it spiritual warfare, i dont know, but it is something I believe we all struggle with, some more than others, but still a global deal.
I think what happens is that I am content and joyful with my life one day and then think that feeling will last forever, but on the contrary that is when I usually put the relationship side with God away and do things on my own because I am happy with where I am and don't need any help anymore. I have realized tonight that is probably the reason I come crashing down so fast; because I leave God behind and go on with life thinking that when things are going good I can put God on the side until I need him again for the tough stuff. He is not meant to be there only in the tough times, but at all times, and I should be working to build that relationship every day as much as possible to grow and learn how to be more like him. Maybe if I would just focus on growing in my relationship even when I feel like I dont need him then I wouldn't have as many downfalls because I will never lose sight of the end prize and what is really important, just maybe. I can only hope. God will always make things tough and test me but as long as I remind myself every day of his grace hopefully I can avoid the constant theme of living without God when everything is going well. I can't do it alone, so why am I trying? Gotta put that pride away and put all the trust where it needs to be as cliche as it sounds. The love God has is too much to comprehend, so why do I try so hard. I am definitely making it harder than it needs to be right now, so time to turn over a new page and just gotta stick close to the cross and listen every day.

So Long Self

goosebumps

A person gets goosebumps when it is really cold or when they experience some strong emotion such as fear or awe. My favorite way to get goosebumps is to get them through listening to a song. I get goosebumps more often when im listening to a powerful song than when I am in freezing cold weather. Most of the time when it is freezing cold I don't even get them. I like to look at the goosebumps I get from music to be the holy spirit as crazy as it sounds. What is better than turning on a powerful song on as loud as you can and just getting crazy into it. Here are a list of some songs that give me indescribable feelings every time they are cranked up.

Shawn McDonald- Take This Life
Kristian Stanfill- Jesus Paid it All
Phil Wickham- Beautiful
Casting Crowns- East to West
Charlie Hall- Closer
Chris Tomlin- Your Grace is Enough
Christy Nockels- Hosanna
Hillsong United- Lead me to the Cross
Jeremy Camp- Take You Back
Lifehouse- Everything
Coldplay- Fix You
Jackson Browne- Barricades of Heaven
Downhere- Better Way
James Taylor- Carolina in my Mind
Jeff Johnson- Ruin Me
Hillsong- None But Jesus
Robbie Seay Band- Song of Hope
U2- With or Without You
U2- One
Muse- Invincible


video of Kristian Stanfill singing Jesus Paid it All

Jesus Paid It All


There's More Than This...

Who Are You? Who? Who? Who? Who? (like the song)

About a week ago I went to lunch with a friend of mine and we got to talking about learning to say no. No i'm not talking about saying no to drugs, but that is something that you should definitely say no to. I hope you are still with me after that little tangent ha...anyways we were talking about how we both struggled with the power of telling people no. Being a christian sometimes makes you feel as if you aren't allowed to say no to something that is for a good cause because that is not christian living and people might not think that you are who you say you are, but on the contrary this could be christian living if God is telling you to say no. roll with me on this.

All of this relates really well to my first blog entry about guilt and trying to gain freedom, but I just figured I would try to come across the subject in a different way. If you spread yourself too thin on things that you are doing in your life then I think it is hard to be fulfilled. Lets say you get asked to go to a bible study or some sort of christian event and you feel as if God has a plan for you to go somewhere else during this time, then this is where you need to listen to the creator and follow him wherever he takes you and don't fear man. If you feel like you need to be spending some alone time with the lord or you need to be hanging out with a certain group of people to show yourself through christ then follow God instead of man, because if you consistently live in fear of man's approval then you will just find yourself straying away from God's plan for you. God has a different plan for each person if you stick with him and live according to his desire then you will find yourself exactly where you need to be.

Everything I just said is very hard and I struggle with it every day, but I am fighting to get past it and live without the fear of man, but rather live with the fear of God. God has really been showing me lately that I just need to be myself as corny and simple as it sounds. I am learning to be who I know I am and use the spiritual gifts that the lord specifically gave to me and not wish I had the gifts that anyone else possesses. I am tired of living in a a feeling of constant envy where I wish i had all the abilities in the world. This is not the way God wants us to be and there is no joy at all in this. If you are a shy and quiet individual who is really good with one on one conversations and you love those intimate/deep talks that motivate you and motivate others then keep on doing what you are doing because it is something you find joy in and something God blessed you with. If you are the person who likes to be in a larger social situation and it enables you to feel christ's joy for your life then put yourself in these situations where the lord can use you.

Although I just encouraged comfort in who you are, it is still important to remember to not get too comfortable in the way you pursue God (download Brandon Heath- Don't Get Comfortable). You should want to be challenged by him and made stronger on a daily basis, I am just trying to say that using your spiritual gifts is an amazing thing and you will find joy and freedom in it. This will help you get rid of the fear of man that cripples all of us and takes us further away from God.

Give it up to gain it all